What pushes your buttons? Is it a noisy neighbour? Maybe when you have too much to drink or someone said something? Maybe a series of small things happen to build your frustration through the day until you explode when your partner forgets to do something? Whatever leads to a rise in anger, lashing out does nothing to improve your life. In fact, it does the opposite, leading you to hospital, prison, or unemployment and leading your partner out of the relationship.
People often get angry when they feel they are losing control of a situation. It has been said that taking a stand shows strength. But in reality, the person losing their temper is the one who loses control and gets into trouble. People avoid them and they often end up alone. Holding on to your temper, holding on to calm and control, holding on to your family and friends has a much better outcome for your life. But it requires much greater strength than anger. If you want to better understand and control anger, follow this short guide to anger management. With practice, these techniques may help you keep your temper.
Step 1. Know what makes you angry.
The best racing drivers in the world would not race on a track before getting to know, in painstaking detail, every tight bend and slippery surface. Similarly, understanding inside out the people, places and situations that always seem to push your buttons enables you to do what you need to do to stop them being pressed and taking you by surprise. Don't just think about it for a moment. Take a seat and write down all the things that have ever made you feel angry. Then go through your list and consider ways to avoid or better handle those situations before they arise.
Step 2. Get familiar with the early warning signs.
Heading for a bend in the road, a good driver can judge if he is going too fast to handle the corner well. The signs can be subtle but crucial. If missed the results can be lethal. Losing your temper can feel like it comes out of nowhere. In fact, there are many small changes in how you feel before you explode with anger. If you spend time getting to grips with these and examining your own unique process with the precision of the driver getting to know his track, you can't go wrong. Specifically, look for physical signs. Your shoulders may tense up, your breathing might change, you may start clenching your jaw. Another area is to examine the changes in your thought processes. You may start to have overly critical thoughts of someone else, or yourself. You may think you are being ignored or insulted. Any signs that warn you of building anger are useful in your mission to keep your cool. They are the voice in the drivers ear describing the corner ahead. They give you the chance you need to put your plan of action in place.
Step 3. Have a plan for emergencies.
Top drivers gain experience of reacting quickly in dangerous situations to steer themselves safely through hairy moments. You need two or three crisis plans that will get you out of trouble if you have missed those early warning signs. Some people immediately get themselves outside and away from the situation to allow them to calm down safely. Others have a certain word or phrase to say that helps to defuse the situation and reminds them of how they want to deal with things. Counting to 10 can also allow time to consider the best way to handle things rather than react on impulse. Other options include stopping in your tracks to hum your favourite song. If you are humming, whistling or singing it is harder to shout or act out. It buys you time to slow things down and change direction. Smiling is another one. There is plenty of research to show that smiling works on a biological level to influence how you feel. It also helps those around you to calm down. A great de-fuser.
Planning to manage your anger in great detail, writing things down and sharing them with loved ones, all helps to increase your ability to use these strategies. When you successfully control your temper, give yourself credit for being strong and keeping control. The more you practice, the easier it will become. For those who need a more structured and supportive approach, working with a therapist on this may be the best option.